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July 2010

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Please <3

Yeah.

Money is a hateful thing. So hard to come across and yet so easy to lose.
The attorney is going to cost at least $350. Essentially what I had earned in the past few weeks. Before I put it to gas and phone minutes.
My car is acting up. The only person open to look at it immediatly was in north Raleigh. I like how I manage to get the Honda with all the weird shit wrong with it. They looked at it and were unable to figure out exactly what was wrong, so they replaced the connections on the battery (totally lacking any knowledge of cars here, bear with me) so it only cost $50, but I still have yet to see if that's actually the problem. Bringing a change of clothes for work with me tonight just in case I still have problems and get stuck. I do think ahead sometimes!
I signed up for penpals because I thought it would be fun, but with everything else going on I just can't find the time to write. Besides, the money for postage would just be another expense. I've still got six undeveloped roles of film from over a month ago because I don't want to spend the money on them.
My court date has been reset to the 25th of next month. God, I'm so nervous. I'm just hoping that whatever happens I won't go to jail. I don't want to throw away finally having a job and being in school over this screwup that happened over a year ago. Obviously I haven't done anything since then, and it was my first time getting in trouble, why can't it just be dropped? Ugh!
I'm lucky just to have this job anyway, no other place would have me because of the cursed misdemeanor. One mistake, how long do I have to pay for it? I can't lose this. It's better money than the babysitting, (well...a little bit.) and now that these expenses have cropped up I need it more than ever. I can't lose this. What will I do?
I'm trying to stay hopeful and positive. I'm focusing on what I can do something about, like my health and keeping my grades up while I know I can still attend classes, I'm doing well at work. It's just hard when in the back of your head you know everything could be over at the will of a judge. It's all boiling up and getting harder to hold back. Shit, I had a ridiculous meltdown when my car wouldn't start because I just couldn't handle the idea of yet another expense. I haven't even done my taxes yet, I'm terrified to find out what I'll owe on those.
Maybe I'll just stay in tonight. I'm so overwhelmed.

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