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Read a fucking book.

July 2010



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Jul. 15th, 2010

Everyone's Mad Here


I'm so tired I don't know whether I'm coming or going anymore. Between intense classes and ridiculous shifts I haven't had more than four hours of sleep at a time in almost two weeks. The whole point of living at home was to work less and focus on school more, but I'm really enjoying having a job where I'm actually earning something and want to work as much so I can save just as much. I told the manager who handles the scheduling to please not schedule me for a 5pm shift after working an overnight, which I get out of by six am, then heading to class at 8 am. I don't have the time to both sleep and do homework, so it's either be exhausted or not do homework and get behind. She tells me I need to change my availability. I don't! All I'm asking is please try not to kill me, thanks. At the store meeting the GM told us because we're a diner, which had it's heyday during the 50s, we should model ourselves more after Chikfuckingfila and be wholesome. Yeah fucking right. We're a diner with a full bar on Glenwood South. Wholesome my fat white ass. The 50s weren't a time of innocence, they were a time of denial. We're supposed to be having a 50s car show later this month or next and we're supposed to dress up, but there is no way I'm showing up in a poodle skirt and saddle shoes. If I'm doing 50s, I'm doing pinup and they'll get the fuck over it.

Apr. 19th, 2010

Read a fucking book.


I love both the classes I'm taking but good God I'm exhausted. Between them and work I feel like I never have enough hours in the day. I really hope this new girl at work stays, we've already been through three!
I'm signed up for summer classes, still undecided about the major thing. I'll be calling a counselor about the substance abuse program. A little ironic, but it sounds like a really promising career choice...

Mar. 25th, 2010

Read a fucking book.

(no subject)

i'm too drained to even be myself.

Feb. 26th, 2010

Please <3


Money is a hateful thing. So hard to come across and yet so easy to lose.
The attorney is going to cost at least $350. Essentially what I had earned in the past few weeks. Before I put it to gas and phone minutes.
My car is acting up. The only person open to look at it immediatly was in north Raleigh. I like how I manage to get the Honda with all the weird shit wrong with it. They looked at it and were unable to figure out exactly what was wrong, so they replaced the connections on the battery (totally lacking any knowledge of cars here, bear with me) so it only cost $50, but I still have yet to see if that's actually the problem. Bringing a change of clothes for work with me tonight just in case I still have problems and get stuck. I do think ahead sometimes!
I signed up for penpals because I thought it would be fun, but with everything else going on I just can't find the time to write. Besides, the money for postage would just be another expense. I've still got six undeveloped roles of film from over a month ago because I don't want to spend the money on them.
My court date has been reset to the 25th of next month. God, I'm so nervous. I'm just hoping that whatever happens I won't go to jail. I don't want to throw away finally having a job and being in school over this screwup that happened over a year ago. Obviously I haven't done anything since then, and it was my first time getting in trouble, why can't it just be dropped? Ugh!
I'm lucky just to have this job anyway, no other place would have me because of the cursed misdemeanor. One mistake, how long do I have to pay for it? I can't lose this. It's better money than the babysitting, (well...a little bit.) and now that these expenses have cropped up I need it more than ever. I can't lose this. What will I do?
I'm trying to stay hopeful and positive. I'm focusing on what I can do something about, like my health and keeping my grades up while I know I can still attend classes, I'm doing well at work. It's just hard when in the back of your head you know everything could be over at the will of a judge. It's all boiling up and getting harder to hold back. Shit, I had a ridiculous meltdown when my car wouldn't start because I just couldn't handle the idea of yet another expense. I haven't even done my taxes yet, I'm terrified to find out what I'll owe on those.
Maybe I'll just stay in tonight. I'm so overwhelmed.

Feb. 2nd, 2010

Read a fucking book.

(no subject)

In too much pain to sleep.

How do you describe how terrifying it is to have your body falling apart on you, and know that in our monetary world, you don't have the means to fix it? Where do I start?

It could cost me up to $350 to have this tooth extracted. Almost the equivalent of how much I earned last month.

What am I going to do?

Feb. 1st, 2010

Read a fucking book.


Long time no blog, LJ.

Life has been eventful and free of drama. I'm enjoying my new connections. I have a lot of catching up to do with old friends still, but I'm getting better at it. Despite the frigid weather that usually chills my spirits along with the earth, I have found myself still positive.

Returning to school has been a big factor in this upward outlook. Despite the new set of worries it has brought, just the idea of being in school has brought a whole new excitement to life. I'm learning again, I have knew ideas to research and new thoughts to explore. I'm inspired again. This is just the beginning, but it is a new beginning. Finally, a turn in the right direction. Something worthwhile. It is never too late.

Nov. 21st, 2009

Read a fucking book.


It's interesting the things that can change your feelings about someone. Little details, mannerisms, anecdotes.

Still not sure what I'm doing, but I seem to gradually be getting the hang of it.

Nov. 7th, 2009

Read a fucking book.

(no subject)

Once again I'm absorbed into a world full of princesses and sparkles and rainbows. I want to open up the little girls head and take a walk, if I was sure I wouldn't get trampled by ponies. Thankful for a steady income, I can finally start poking at some of these debts.

Despite the sudden loss of free time, I'm still enjoying myself a lot. Been playing dd pretty often. I guess it's karma for always needing rides.

Oct. 14th, 2009

Read a fucking book.


I'm not really sure what's induced this intense stage of despondency recently, but I really wish I could shake it. I'm just glooming around, avoiding everyone and getting killer headaches. I'm also really tired all the time. What the hell? With the exception of taking Kia to Wilmington today, I've barely gone out. I've got to shake this. Lisa is taking me to see Bassnectar tomorrow night. I'm sure that will help. Nobody likes a Downer McAngsterson, least of all me. And I need to stop being such a shitty friend and call some people. "Hey guys, sorry I suck. I'm just a Cancer. Moody is what I do."

I see why most information on astrology says two Cancers wouldn't really work. We'd just piss eachother off endlessly with this bullshit.

Sep. 13th, 2009

Everyone's Mad Here


Stayed up all night last night. In a weird half awake daze now. Coffe, smokes and drawing sounds like a plan.

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